Babysitting Debacles
by Muffliato
Summary: Angelina Weasley should have known that pranking the Saviour of the Wizarding World would result in a weekend of babysitting, nargles, and contemplated avada kedavras. Crack-y but canon; post-DH, pre-Epilogue.


**General Disclaimer: Dudes, if I was J.K. Rowling there would be flying monkeys in the Forbidden Forest, no alliteration, a Nargle/Mrs. Norris/Giant Squid love triangle, and Hogwartians randomly bursting into song every few pages. And it'd be _totally awesome_. With red vines. Lots and lots of red vines...**

**Little James Potter is about ten months old, while Teddy Lupin is around six.**

* * *

Angelina Weasley was going to kill Harry Potter.

That Potter was her brother-in-law and a War Hero was irrelevant, for his Gryffindor facade hid a manipulative snake who delighted in her torture. 'The-boy-who-apparently-lived-twice-but-is-actually-an-inferus-OH-MY-GOD-RUN' was taking his revenge on her popularising his new nickname way too bloody far. It was a joke, for Merlin's sake!

Yes, she would murder that git of a Head Auror for blackmailing her into-into _this_. Babysitting Teddy and James was emotionally scarring in itself, but did the Potters really have to bring in the second sitter?

Angelina paused to consider the absolute unfairness of the world, while bouncing James–her adorably cute, jabbering devil-nephew–on her knee.

"Na-nahsss." James gurgled.

"Nargles." Luna Scamander sat crouched on the floor, staring pointedly at the baby on Angelina's lap.

"Narys!"

"Nar-gles." Luna patiently pronounced to the laughing boy, her overlarge mistletoe earrings swinging cheerfully.

"Na-hes!" James garbled out from his suddenly full mouth. Angelina sighed and pried her hair from the toddler once more, suppressing her murderous raging while wiping away the drool.

The only decent thing about the evening was that George was stuck at home with Fred. Angelina loved her son more than anything, but she was sure that her husband and Potter had made a pact on their firstborns' names. _James Sirius_ and _Fred George_? Tempting fate didn't even begin to cover it. Those two were praying for another generation of troublemakers, and were doing everything they could to skew the odds in their favour.

But if that was the case, why did the Potters recruit two babysitters? Maybe it was paranoia. After all, 'overprotective' didn't even begin to describe Ginny and Potter. Angelina looked at James shrewdly, imagining the dozens of protective and tracking charms that must be on both he and Teddy.

"No no sweetie, NARGLES!"

And of all the people to be stuck with for a weekend, it just had to be Luna. Angelina bit her lip and quelled her violent urges. No, she shouldn't feed Luna to hungry Thestrals, the poor woman didn't even know what she was doing. Unlike that git Potter-Angelina's eyes narrowed and she once more drifted into thoughts of vengeance. Surely he couldn't survive _avada kedavra_ three times?

Teddy–who was staying at his godfather's for the month–wandered into the room as Luna gave a banana-splattered James vocabulary lessons. Said god-brother was bouncing on Angelina, who was similarly covered with fruity drool as she glared into space. Teddy turned his hair turquoise to join the party.

"Hi Aunties." Teddy flopped onto the sofa next to an unresponsive Angelina. "Jamie, can you say Wrackspurts?"

"Wac-orts!"

Angelina turned her annoyed stare to her god-nephew. "Don't encourage them."

"But it's fun!" Turquoise shifted to red-and-green tartan.

"I'll tell your godfather." Angelina's threat failed to phase the young metamorph, who was nonchalantly swinging his legs and obviously thought that Uncle Harry would just be proud and give him chocolate.

"I'll tell your gran!"

The swinging stopped instantly and Teddy looked at his smirking aunt in horror.

Seeing that she still possessed her wonderful blackmailing skills, Angelina felt her anger sift away as she shifted James on her lap. She gave Teddy a half-smile–showing that she was serious with her threat, but they she would still be the 'fun aunt' as long as he behaved. Teddy, well-versed with unspoken Potter/Weasley conversations, got the message loud and clear. Still, he made a mental note to teach James a few words whenever his Auntie Angie was out of earshot.

With sanity partially restored to the room, Angelina chatted to Teddy–whose hair was shifting through all the colours known to mankind and monkey–to try to block out the constant screams of "NARGLES!" "NA-HEEEEES!" "NAR-GLES!" from in front of her.

"Ginny and Po-Harry, must have been desperate for a babysitter if they asked Luna and I." Angelina unknotted some of her tousled hair from James' grip.

Teddy shook his head. "Nah, we love you. And Auntie Luna teaches us even more things than Auntie Mione! Still," he looked around to make sure no one was spying, "I heard Uncle Harry say they aren't letting any of the Weasleys babysit again. Ever." Teddy nodded resolutely. "It was Auntie Ginny's idea."

Angelina raised an eyebrow. "I understand not having George and Charlie after the fireworks and salamander incident, but why the others?"

Teddy shrugged. "Uncle Percy's always at work. And Uncle Bill lets us meet goblins, who don't like Uncle Harry very much."

Angelina blinked. "What about Ron?"

Teddy eyed her incredulously.

"What? What's wrong with Ron? Aside from his constant swearing... Oh, wait." Angelina paused, still perplexed. "But you do realise that I'm a Weasley, right?"

"Uncle Harry says you don't count 'cause you're not crazy-"

Angelina smiled, beginning to think that her babysitting-induced-rage was a bit misplaced.

"-and that with his 'post-nickname-prank' blackmail, you wouldn't dare do anything to his kids." Teddy finished nonchalantly, clearly thinking that his godfather had a few screws loose himself.

The rage came back stronger than ever, and Angelina drifted into revenge-filled thoughts. 'No, not _avada kedavra_, far too lenient. _Crucio_ maybe? Or lock him in a room with a dozen active bludgers? Oooh, a dozen rabid fangirls _with_ bludgers!'

Teddy leaned his head to the side, and questioned yet another relative's sanity as Angelina evilly smiled into space.

"Na-heeeees!" James shook his rattle to emphasise that he was, in fact, pronouncing it correctly, and that Luna was simply in denial.

"No sweetie, Nargles! Nargles Nargles Narg-" Luna paused and stared at James, who stared determinedly back, his rattle shaking ominously. "Let's try another tactic. Na-hees!"

James' rattling paused and the toddler looked puzzled.

"Nargles?"

"Eee!" Luna squealed with glee, pulled the smiling yet bewildered James out of the still-catatonic Angelina's lap, and swung him around in triumph. "Take _that_ Hermione!"

These jumps and screams did not even register with Angelina, who had locked herself in her happy place.

"What are you talking about?" Teddy said, eying his dancing aunt nervously.

"Hmm?" Luna paused in her exclamations of how James was a genius. "What was that Teddy Bear?"

Teddy winced at the nickname, wishing that his godfather didn't find it so amusing to spread it around to the entire wizarding world. "Why would Auntie Mione be upset?"

Luna blinked. "Because of our bet."

"What bet?" Angelina said, finally rousing from her reverie. "Hermione was betting? Why wasn't I involved?"

"But, you were involved." Luna once more blinked owlishly.

"I-what?" Angelina frowned, trying to remember. "Were we drunk? Did I win?"

"Nope." The blonde smiled and hugged the giggling baby. "You bet on 'bloody hell', but with Ronald being banned from babysitting your odds became fairly poor."

Angelina was just as puzzled as before, but Teddy suddenly looked from Luna to James in horror.

"Auntie Mione's gonna kill you!"

Luna smirked uncharacteristically, revelling in her victory. "I'll use Jamie as my shield. And I have two witnesses–so she can't refute it!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Angelina's thoughts of revenge were pushed aside momentarily. "I still don't know what we're talking about."

"Jamie's first word, of course!"


End file.
